Return to the center

I’ve been thinking a lot about this post. The first-time-after-birth post. I didn’t want to have silence for this long, but was kind of forced into this. Our little baby boy was born March 19th, and life since than has been a complete roller coaster. I recovered very well and quickly from an amazingly easy labor, and he was the most easy baby I could imagine. When he was almost three weeks old, he suddenly got even quieter, sleeping constantly and drinking less and less. At day two we went to the hospital, where they diagnosed a major heart failure, he has a serious aortic valve stenosis. In only a few hours from entering the hospital he was in the OR for his first heart catheter. They literary saved his life this night. We were in the hospital for one week, and after coming home it only took a short time for the next catheter treatment to be necessary: A not-drinking baby caused a stay-in-the-hospital, after a few days there was no other choice left. Another week in the hospital. A lot of talks, a lot of doctors, a lot of possibilities. We are now waiting for his first real open heart surgery. They are going to try to reconstruct his aortic valve, which is quite a new treatment. They are not sure if it is going to work the way they want it to work, but we have faith and trust in the doctors helping him. He has proven so much strength, we are happy to have such a fighting boy. Oh my, this little fellow wants to live! He is the most happy and easy baby I’ve ever seen. He is.. Content. That might be the best word.
In this days of emotional stress, we are hanging on together, being so thankful for all the love we’re receiving from the people around us, near and far. We hear of people praying, lightning candles, we receive cards. It is really touching to have so many people thinking of us.

In the meantime, I’m so happy I can knit away my sorrows. That might sound strange, but in the unsure hours in the hospital I just need to have something in my hands. The straight knit-purl-yarnovers help me organise my thoughts, my feelings, my questions, my fear. It’s feels kind of returning to normal life.

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